TIRED of everything recently...
Lost the DRIVE to keep moving on..
Lack of MOTIVATION to survive...
WISH will never come true for me...
SICK of everything that fall upon me...
Please SAVE me, my friends...
Where are YOU guys???
As time flies, as people changed,this is the only place to keep the memories still..."http://ickesangelo.blogspot.com"
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Sigh...can't fulfill my Dream?
My feeling is so complicated now so I have decided to blog again...
So between studies and games, which one will you choose??
For every Medical students, I am sure most of the people will choose Studies, but as for me, I find it is hard for me to let go games, I am not sure why, maybe I am the type who always like to play games (eg: Treasure Hunt, Amazing Race that kind). I always have passion and enthusiasm in joining those games and to win all of them!!
Recently, I am planning to join Amazing Race Asia 2010, but it really gave me a lot of headache, causing me can't focus in my study. There are a lot of factors to be considered to join this race, not only for fun! First of all, before you want to apply, you must have a valid date of passport until 7 Nov 2011. Mine 1 till end of this year, that means I need to go renew my passport! And to apply the Race, I need to have a international driving license. I need to go JPJ to convert my Malaysian driving license to international 1. Both of these also cause me money and time!
Ok, if everything settled, then more problems to come! The audition on 13 March in Sunway. I have signed up for a communication skills workshop on that day and I need to collect T-shirt for the run which on the following day on that day itself too. That's mean I only can choose whether I want to go Audition or workshop? Ok, fine, I will choose workshop and T-shirt collection, I can use another way to apply for Amazing race,which is using mail-posting to Singapore!
Talk about mail posting, I can't really make sure that my mail will reach safely to their hands. What if the mail don't reach and all my efforts in making video, all the documents, renewed passport fee, international driving license fee all gone/wasted...
Ok, if i got selected for audition, they will call us for interview at other country for 2 weeks, that means I have to skip 2 weeks lectures and maybe PBL too!!! How can I do that? And I have to pay the money to travel to overseas for interview.
And if good news again, I got selected for final, which is around May to July, it may clash with MY EOS5, should I skip the test? Lol, impossible right? And if I skip the Rcae, then I can't join it next time anymore. And it will also clash with my clinical attachment in SGH which is fater EOS 5, and maybe KK mount which is on early July!!! And I am not guaranteed to win the Race too!!
So how, what should I do?? Every situation seems to ask me to give up for this audition!! And maybe I should. Next year perhaps huh?? If got chance again!
But I seriously am very passionate about this Race, it will be the happiest memory of my entire life if I got selected for the Race...sigh, maybe I just have no fate with it.....
So between studies and games, which one will you choose??
For every Medical students, I am sure most of the people will choose Studies, but as for me, I find it is hard for me to let go games, I am not sure why, maybe I am the type who always like to play games (eg: Treasure Hunt, Amazing Race that kind). I always have passion and enthusiasm in joining those games and to win all of them!!
Recently, I am planning to join Amazing Race Asia 2010, but it really gave me a lot of headache, causing me can't focus in my study. There are a lot of factors to be considered to join this race, not only for fun! First of all, before you want to apply, you must have a valid date of passport until 7 Nov 2011. Mine 1 till end of this year, that means I need to go renew my passport! And to apply the Race, I need to have a international driving license. I need to go JPJ to convert my Malaysian driving license to international 1. Both of these also cause me money and time!
Ok, if everything settled, then more problems to come! The audition on 13 March in Sunway. I have signed up for a communication skills workshop on that day and I need to collect T-shirt for the run which on the following day on that day itself too. That's mean I only can choose whether I want to go Audition or workshop? Ok, fine, I will choose workshop and T-shirt collection, I can use another way to apply for Amazing race,which is using mail-posting to Singapore!
Talk about mail posting, I can't really make sure that my mail will reach safely to their hands. What if the mail don't reach and all my efforts in making video, all the documents, renewed passport fee, international driving license fee all gone/wasted...
Ok, if i got selected for audition, they will call us for interview at other country for 2 weeks, that means I have to skip 2 weeks lectures and maybe PBL too!!! How can I do that? And I have to pay the money to travel to overseas for interview.
And if good news again, I got selected for final, which is around May to July, it may clash with MY EOS5, should I skip the test? Lol, impossible right? And if I skip the Rcae, then I can't join it next time anymore. And it will also clash with my clinical attachment in SGH which is fater EOS 5, and maybe KK mount which is on early July!!! And I am not guaranteed to win the Race too!!
So how, what should I do?? Every situation seems to ask me to give up for this audition!! And maybe I should. Next year perhaps huh?? If got chance again!
But I seriously am very passionate about this Race, it will be the happiest memory of my entire life if I got selected for the Race...sigh, maybe I just have no fate with it.....
Jia You
Messages to ICKES:
\\Can you please stay focus??
Can you do it?? Can you please study as hard as you can??
Can you don't think of anything else?? Can you just do whatever you want to do?/
Can you please appreciate? Can you pls be happy??
Can you eat more? Can you don't do something which is not productive?
Can you show your strengths?
You can do it!!
Say it to yourself!
Regards,
....Your Best Friend............
\\Can you please stay focus??
Can you do it?? Can you please study as hard as you can??
Can you don't think of anything else?? Can you just do whatever you want to do?/
Can you please appreciate? Can you pls be happy??
Can you eat more? Can you don't do something which is not productive?
Can you show your strengths?
You can do it!!
Say it to yourself!
Regards,
....Your Best Friend............
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
Can I don't do anything?
Sigh...it's emo time again. SPSS (Statistic programme) is killing me slowly. I am so helpless and tired(mentally, not physically) now. I know everyone is tired too, but we still have to do it. At first I thought learning SPSS supposed to be fun and typing data in should be exciting, but after all the process of deciding variables, keep on changing the data,graphs and bar chart problems, it had taken our time and energy so so much, I am really tired and wanna get rid of it real soon wei...I think everyone will has mental breakdown soon...
And despite the fact that I have so many things to busy with. All the upcoming events, all the undecided events. I want to do it good, I want to plan it well, but seems that no one is willing to help me out. Everything has not been set yet and the deadline is approaching. How can we prove to everyone that we are good enough to leave??? Sigh, and the fact that I can't join Amazing Race....the fact that my proposal has been rejected and needed to be revised , the fact that I must change everything and do it one more time all over again, I am really tired of everything and wish that I am just lye there and do nothing.
IMU Ball is another issue, well bla bla bla...
A beautiful letter I have received, have been prepared with all the possible outcomes have made me not to feel so upset, but I am quite sad too....nvm, I think time can prove everything and everything will be fine. I just need some time for the busy moment to end.
And one thing follows another thing, busy has just changed everything. That's what I can say, friend will just go to spend time with others who are free, or whoever is fun and funny maybe. I am just...., what can I do right? We don't share the same interest too.
I called my parents, my friends....
I am glad to talk to them...
Just wish that my life will be getting better after this...Sigh, I haven't even revised yet. I am just very lack of motivation!! A very bad habit, don't learn from me..
Thanks for praising my shirt, haha!
And despite the fact that I have so many things to busy with. All the upcoming events, all the undecided events. I want to do it good, I want to plan it well, but seems that no one is willing to help me out. Everything has not been set yet and the deadline is approaching. How can we prove to everyone that we are good enough to leave??? Sigh, and the fact that I can't join Amazing Race....the fact that my proposal has been rejected and needed to be revised , the fact that I must change everything and do it one more time all over again, I am really tired of everything and wish that I am just lye there and do nothing.
IMU Ball is another issue, well bla bla bla...
A beautiful letter I have received, have been prepared with all the possible outcomes have made me not to feel so upset, but I am quite sad too....nvm, I think time can prove everything and everything will be fine. I just need some time for the busy moment to end.
And one thing follows another thing, busy has just changed everything. That's what I can say, friend will just go to spend time with others who are free, or whoever is fun and funny maybe. I am just...., what can I do right? We don't share the same interest too.
I called my parents, my friends....
I am glad to talk to them...
Just wish that my life will be getting better after this...Sigh, I haven't even revised yet. I am just very lack of motivation!! A very bad habit, don't learn from me..
Thanks for praising my shirt, haha!
Friday, February 19, 2010
Me.Not. A. Good. Bro (& Everything)
I am not a good brother..
I didn't even attempt to talk to him...
What I want is only peace...
but what I do is only ignore him...
Whenever he talks to me, I am just reply him and that's all...
It's not that I don't want to care,
its just something I can't help to forgive him...
I can't forgive his attitude, his personality..
I understand everyone has different personalities,
but I still can't accept it.
What should I do?
I just want us to be good siblings!
But it is much more harder than I thought it will be...
I admit I am not a good son, good sibling, good relative, good friend to others too. I knew my weaknesses, my dominating personality, my "not understanding others' feelings" behavior. Sigh...I just wish I can change, I want to change, I really want everything to be good. But, I really need some time and guidance...
I know I should think positively, but I just can't this sudden arising EMO feeling, I cried, cried out all of my guilt,my sad feeling..
In the car...
Me: Not going to watch movie 2nite, will be watching 2moro coz no cannot buy ticket edy.
Bro: *Disappointed*
Me: You can watch movie 2moro or not?
Bro: Erm...dunno, maybe will go out with my friends 2moro.
Me: If you can''t go then buy 3 tickets, if you plan to watch then buy 4 tickets.
Bro: Huh? Why 3? Who are the 3?
Me: Dad, Mum, eldest sis...
Bro: What about you?
Me: I am going back to KL 2moro edy..
Bro: So fast??
Me: Ya!!!
And I think we have nothing much to communicate and share although I am going back to KL 2moro edy...I am really an useless bro..sorry...
I didn't even attempt to talk to him...
What I want is only peace...
but what I do is only ignore him...
Whenever he talks to me, I am just reply him and that's all...
It's not that I don't want to care,
its just something I can't help to forgive him...
I can't forgive his attitude, his personality..
I understand everyone has different personalities,
but I still can't accept it.
What should I do?
I just want us to be good siblings!
But it is much more harder than I thought it will be...
I admit I am not a good son, good sibling, good relative, good friend to others too. I knew my weaknesses, my dominating personality, my "not understanding others' feelings" behavior. Sigh...I just wish I can change, I want to change, I really want everything to be good. But, I really need some time and guidance...
I know I should think positively, but I just can't this sudden arising EMO feeling, I cried, cried out all of my guilt,my sad feeling..
In the car...
Me: Not going to watch movie 2nite, will be watching 2moro coz no cannot buy ticket edy.
Bro: *Disappointed*
Me: You can watch movie 2moro or not?
Bro: Erm...dunno, maybe will go out with my friends 2moro.
Me: If you can''t go then buy 3 tickets, if you plan to watch then buy 4 tickets.
Bro: Huh? Why 3? Who are the 3?
Me: Dad, Mum, eldest sis...
Bro: What about you?
Me: I am going back to KL 2moro edy..
Bro: So fast??
Me: Ya!!!
And I think we have nothing much to communicate and share although I am going back to KL 2moro edy...I am really an useless bro..sorry...
Monday, February 15, 2010
CNY Day 1
This Year CNY is quite boring for me, lol. Dunno why?? Hmm...bascially just stay at home the whole day, sleep the whole afternoon, really swt. Went to temple for a while in the morning, then at night went to Jiun Sheng's new house for his birthday celebration. Didn't eat anything there because I was vegetarian on that day and they were doing BBQ food. Was gambling in his house and in the end won RM2, haha! Leave JS's house at about 11.45pm and went to Senso Hilton to have a drink. Ordered Midori, nice nice!! There were performances there with all popular songs-Lady Gaga, BEP, lol...We were challenging each other Truth or Dare...It was quite a good night la.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
New Year =New Look
Hey, I have dyed my hair!!!
My sis said I look like a gangster, do I??
My sis said I look like a gangster, do I??
Gangster??
Well, I guess there is also another side of me who do not agree with that, see this picture then you will know.
Lala?? Lol!
So guys, how is my new hair color?? So you guys prefer Gangster or Lala?? Lol.
Monday, February 8, 2010
My Goals
Everyone has their own dreams, and I am sure that we all have different ways of chasing after our dreams, We all move at different speeds, different time. I really hope that I can achieve these dreams, as I am not doing it alone. :-)
My Goals
1st Goal: Achieve at least an A- for Summative!!!!!
Achieve at least a B+ for EOS 5!!!!
Reward: Can go for KK trip!!! @?? ________
Punishment: no shopping, movie, and pool for 2 weeks
2nd Goal: Earn at least RM6000 in a year (starting June 2010)
Reward: Get a new HP
Punishment: no pps and facebook for 2 weeks
3rd Goal: Run half marathon (21.6km) in 2 hours
Reward: Get a new shoe (Nike Basketball Shoe/ running shoe)
Punishment: no meat n junk food (including 100 plus/revive) for 2 weeks
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